What creates ill feelings in the hearts of people for each other the most is the misuse of the tongue and the evil consequences that follow. This includes the hastiness on behalf of some to comment on someone’s words as he speaks, or interrupting him without thinking twice, which only results in hostile argumentation and people harbouring ill feelings towards each other.
You will never be able to rectify all the people, teach them Islamic etiquettes, and train them in the skills of dealing with people. Let us go beyond the idealism which many become obsessed with when they say,“People are supposed to do this”,or “People are supposed to get used to that...”
Stop thinking about this and just pray over the deceased who is in front of you, as they say. What I mean is that when we deal with people’s mistakes, we should not busy ourselves thinking about what others should do, but rather, we should focus on what we should do. Whenever you wish to say something strange, some people may hastily comment on your words. It is important that you do not give them an opportunity to do so, by answering their questions before they even ask.
Some people can very effectively prevent a person from commenting without them realising it. I remember once an old man was sitting in a gathering talking about a particular incident he witnessed where two people were fighting at a petrol station, and how it became so serious that both taken to a police station. One of those present in the gathering, who was known to be very talkative, jumped up and began to relate his version of the story,saying,“Yes,that’s right,but this is not what happened. What actually happened between the two was this, and so-andso was at fault.” He began to mention other details that did not even occur!
The old man turned to him, and I could see that he was about to explode. However, he controlled himself and quietly and calmly said,“Were you there at the incident?”
He said,“No.”
The old man said, “Did anyone who witnessed it tell you
about it?”
“No”, he replied.
The old man said,“Did you read the incident report?”
He said,“No.”
Thereupon, the old man screamed,“OK! So how can you say
I am wrong when you don’t know anything?”
What surprised me were his leading questions before he objected, for if he were to object before throwing those questions at him and thereby closing all the escape routes, the man would have found many avenues through which to flee, even if he had to lie.
Therefore, when we wish to establish certain facts, we need to precede them with preliminaries in order to convince our opponents before they get a chance to oppose them.
When the Quraysh marched forth to fight the Prophet peace be upon him and his companions at Badr, some of the intelligent ones among them did not wish to fight.However,they had been compelled to march.The Prophet peace be upon himfound out about this and was sure that if they attended the battle, they would not fight the Muslims.
When he approached the battlefield, he wanted to inform his Companions about his decision regarding them and forbid them from killing them. He knew that some may have questions in their minds about his decision such as,“Why shouldn’t we kill them when they have come out to fight us? Why did he exempt these people in particular?”
The Prophet peace be upon himmentioned some preliminaries in order not to give them an opportunity to even think about the objections. How did he do so?
He stood among his Companions and said,“I have come to know that some men from Banu Hashim and others have been forced to come out.They do not want to fight us.”
This was the first preliminary fact.
He then said, “Therefore, whoever of you meets anyone from Banu Hashim in the battle,then let him not kill him.Whoever sees Abu al-Bakhtari bin Hashim bin al-Harith bin Asad,then let him not kill him.Whoever sees al-‘Abbas bin ‘Abd al-Muttalib, the uncle of the Messenger of Allah, then let him not kill him, for they have been compelled to march.”
The Companions agreed to comply and began to discuss this amongst their circles.Abu Hudhayfa bin ‘Utbah bin Rabi’ah said, “Shall we kill our fathers, our sons and our brothers and spare al-‘Abbas? By Allah, if I see him on the battlefield, I will strike him with my sword!”
His words reached the Messenger of Allah peace be upon him. He turned to “Umar and said,‘O Abu Hafs!”
‘Umar said about this later,“By Allah, this was the first time ever the Messenger of Allah peace be upon him gave me my nickname, Abu Hafs.”
The Prophet peace be upon himsaid,“O Abu Hafs! Will the face of the uncle of Allah’s Messenger be struck with a sword?”
‘Umar felt disgusted and angry, for how could Abu Hudhayfah have rejected the order of the Messenger of Allah peace be upon him? Was he not a Muslim?
‘Umar said at the top his voice,“O Messenger of Allah! Allow me to strike his neck with my sword! By Allah, he has become a hypocrite!”
Abu Hudhayfah – may Allah be pleased with him – thereafter regretted his words on that day and said, “I do not feel secure from the words I uttered that day. I will continue to be terrified of them unless martyrdom expiates for them.” He was martyred on the day of Yamamah.
Advice...
Have them for lunch before they eat you for dinner!
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