We often comment in amazement at a person,“He is clam, he is unflustered, he is composed.”
When we would like to criticise a person, we would say,“He is hasty… he is weak…”
As for the Messenger of Allah peace be upon him, then he would say,“Gentleness beautifies everything. Harshness disfigures.” (Muslim)
Are you able to move a ton of metal with your finger?
Yes! If you bring a crane, gently and properly tie it to the metal, and activate the crane, you would see the metal hanging in midair.You can move it with your little finger.
Two friends once agreed to approach a man to propose marriage to two of his daughters. One of the daughters was older than the other. One of the two men said to the other,“I will take the younger and you take the older.”
“No! You take the older and I will take the younger!” said the other man.
The first man replied,“OK.You take the younger and I will take the one younger than her.”
“Agreed!”
The man didn’t realise that his friend didn’t actually change his mind. He only changed his tactics by being gentle.
It has come in a Hadith,“If Allah decides well for a family,he blesses them with gentleness. If Allah decides evil for a family, he deprives them of gentleness.” (Ahmad, Sahih)
Another Hadith states,“Allah is gentle and loves gentleness, and gives due to gentleness what He does not give to harshness or anything else.” (Muslim)
A gentle person who is easy going and soft is beloved to all people. People feel comfortable with such a person and trust him,especially if gentleness is accompanied with beautiful speech and the skill of dealing with people correctly.
Al-Imam Abu Yusuf, the judge, was from the most famous Hanafi scholars. He was the most prominent student of Abu Hanifah. Abu Yusuf was very poor during his childhood and his father would forbid him from attending Abu Hanifah’s lessons and instead order him to go to the marketplace to earn a living. Abu Hanifah was very keen for him, and would reprimand him if he missed his lessons.
One day,Abu Yusuf complained to Abu Hanifah about his father. Abu Hanifah called his father and asked him, “How much does your son earn in one day?”
He replied,“Two dirhams.”
Abu Hanifah said, “I will give you two dirhams if you allow him to study.”
Thus,Abu Yusuf studied with his teacher for years.When Abu Yusuf grew into a young man and became distinguished amongst
his colleagues, he became afflicted with an illness that left him bedridden. When Abu Hanifah visited him he noticed that his illness was very severe, he became sad and feared that he may die.
He left Abu Yusuf saying to himself, “Alas, Abu Yusuf! How I wished that you would serve the people after me!”
Abu Hanifah went along dragging his feet to his study circle where his students were waiting.After a couple of days,Abu Yusuf recovered. He took a bath, wore his clothes and went off to attend his teacher’s lessons. Those around him asked, “Where are you going?”
“To the Shaykh’s lesson”, he replied.
They said, “Even now you are studying? You don’t need to.
Haven’t you heard what the Shaykh has said about you?”
“What did he say?” he enquired.
They said, “He has said: ‘I wished that you would serve the people after me’, meaning, you have acquired all the knowledge of Abu Hanifah, and if the teacher were to die today, you would have sat in his place.”
Abu Yusuf felt amazed at himself, and went to the Masjid where he saw Abu Hanifah’s study circle in a corner, so he went to another corner and began to teach and pass verdicts!
Abu Hanifah noticed the new study circle and asked,“Whose study circle is this?”
They said,“Abu Yusuf’s.”
“Has he recovered?” he asked.
“Yes”, they said.
Abu Hanifah then asked, “Why didn’t he come to our lesson?”
They replied, “He was informed of what you had said, so he began to teach the people, since he isn’t in need of you anymore.”
Abu Hanifah then thought about how to deal with this case in a gentle manner, and came up with an idea to teach Abu Yusuf a lesson.
He turned to one of his students and said,“O so-and-so,go to the Shaykh sitting over there – i.e.Abu Yusuf – and say to him, ‘O Shaykh! I have a question.’ He would be very happy with you upon you asking him questions, for he has only sat there to be asked questions!
Say to him, ‘A man gives his garment to a tailor to get it shortened.When he returns to him after a few days to collect it, the tailor denies that he ever had his garment.The man goes to the police to complain, and the police enter the shop and recover his garment for him.
The question is: Does the tailor deserve the payment for
shortening the garment or not?’
If he says to you,‘Yes, he deserves it’, tell him he is wrong.
And if he says to you,‘No, he does not deserve it’, tell him
he is wrong.”
The student was pleased to learn this complex question and went off to Abu Yusuf and said,“O Shaykh! I have a question.”
Abu Yusuf said,“What is your question?”
He said,“A man gives his garment to the tailor…”, and before he could finish,AbuYusuf replied,“Yes,he deserves payment,
as long as he has finished his work.”
The questioner said,“You are wrong.”
Abu Yusuf became surprised and thought about the issue
deeply and said,“Actually, he does not deserve payment.”
The questioner said,“You are wrong, again.”
Abu Yusuf looked at him and said, “By Allah, who sent you
here?”
The man pointed towards Abu Hanifah and said,“The Shaykh sent me.”
Abu Yusuf stood from his gathering and went to Abu Hani
fah’s circle and said,“O Shaykh! I have a question.”
Abu Hanifah ignored him.
Abu Yusuf then came and sat on his knees in front of the
Shaykh, and said with all due respect,“O Shaykh, I have a question.”
He said,“What is your question?”
Abu Yusuf said,“You know what the question is.”
“The question about the tailor and the garment?” asked Abu Hanifah.
“Yes”, replied Abu Yusuf.
Abu Hanifah said, “You answer the question. Aren’t you a Shaykh?”
He replied,“Rather, you are the Shaykh.”
Abu Hanifah then said in response to the question, “We check how much he shortened the garment by. If the garment was shortened to match the man’s height, then it means he did the work completely. But then it occurred to him that he should deny having his garment. In this case, he shortened the garment for this man, and therefore he deserves to be paid.
But if he had shortened the garment to suit his own height then that means he shortened the garment for himself and therefore does not deserve any payment.”
Upon hearing that,Abu Yusuf kissed Abu Hanifah’s forehead and remained his student until Abu Hanifah passed away. Only then did Abu Yusuf sit in his place to teach the people.
How beautiful is gentleness and how wonderful it is to deal with such issues with tenderness!
If married couples, parents, managers and teachers were to be gentle in their approach, most problems and argumentation would diminish.We are always required to be gentle, while driving, teaching, buying and selling. However, a person might sometimes be required to be firm, even while advising.This is considered being wise while advising, and that is by dealing with each case on its own merit.
The Prophet’s anger – if he ever became angry – was always in religious matters.The Prophet peace be upon himnever became angry for his own sake. He would only become angry if one of Allah’s sanctities was being violated.
Once ‘Umar bin al-Khattab – may Allah be pleased with him− met a Jewish person.The Jewish person showed him a passage from the Torah, which amazed ‘Umar, so he took a copy for himself. He then came to the Messenger of Allah peace be upon himwith this passage from the Torah and read it out to him.The Prophet peace be upon himrealised that ‘Umar was taken by the passage and that if the door was opened up for deriving rulings from previous religions,then their books would become mixed with the Qur’an,thereby leaving the people perplexed. How could ‘Umar have gone ahead and made a copy of the passage and written it with his own hands without asking the Prophet peace be upon him?
The Prophet peace be upon himbecame angry and said, “Are you confused over this, O Ibn al-Khattab?” meaning, are you doubting my Shari‘ah?
He then said, “I swear by the One who has my soul in His Hand, I have come to you with something crystal clear. Do not ask them about anything, lest they inform you of the truth and you reject it, or they inform you of falsehood and you believe in it. I swear by the One who has my soul in His hand, if Musa was alive today, he would have no choice but to follow me.” (Ahmad, Abu Ya’la and Bazzar, Hasan)
Yes, although we urge gentleness, firmness is sometimes needed.
During the early stages of the Prophet’s prophethood, he used to come to the Ka’bah, whilst the Quraysh would be sitting in their gatherings. He would pray and not pay any attention to them.They would hurt him in many ways, whilst he would bear it all with patience.
One day, the noble ones from Quraysh gathered together and mentioned the Messenger of Allah peace be upon him and said, “We have never come across anything more severe than what we have had to bear from this man. He has declared our views stupid. He has insulted our forefathers. He has condemned our religion. He has disunited our ranks, and insulted our gods.We are truly exasperated with him.”
Whilst they were discussing amongst each other, there came the Messenger of Allah peace be upon himand walked to the corner of the Ka’bah in order to touch it for the purpose of tawaf. When he began to make tawaf around the Ka’bah they started to mock him. The Prophet’s complexion changed but his attitude remained calm with them and bore it with silence and continued. When he passed by them the second time, they mocked him again. His complexion changed, but he remained silent and continued with the tawaf.When he passed by them the third time, they mocked him again.He realised that gentleness was not working with such people. He went to them and said, “Pay attention, O Quraysh! I swear by the One who has my soul in His hand, I have come to you with slaughter!” The brave Messenger and leader peace be upon himsaid these words and remained standing, facing them.
When the men heard the threat of being slaughtered from the ‘most truthful and the most trustworthy one’, they jumped up, until every single one sat upright and still, as if a bird was resting on his head, so much so that the harshest of them towards the Prophet peace be upon himbegan to show him gentleness.They said, “Make your way, O Abul-Qasim as a noble man.You were never foolish.” Thus, the Prophet peace be upon him made his way.
Yes, if it is said to you,“be gentle…”, then say,“gentleness has its place.” For one to be gentle at an inappropriate occasion is considered foolishness, although when one closely studies the life of the Prophet peace be upon him he realises that he was gentle on most occasions. But be careful! We are not calling for weakness and cowardice.We are only calling for gentleness.
From the memorable examples of gentleness, we can relate that a month after the battle of Badr,Abul-‘Aas, the husband of Zaynab the Prophet’s daughter, wanted to send her to Madinah to her father.The Messenger of Allah peace be upon himsent Zayd bin Harithah and a man from the Ansar to Makkah and told them to wait at a place near Makkah on the road to Madinah. He said to them, “Wait at Ya’jah until Zaynab passes by you.You should then accompany her and bring her to me.”
Abul-‘Aas, her husband, ordered her to pack her luggage. She began to collect her belongings, and as she was in the process there came to her Hind bint ‘Utbah, the wife of Abu Sufyan. She said to her,“O daughter of Muhammad! Why didn’t you tell me you are planning to meet up with your father?”
Zaynab feared that Hind might be plotting against her, so she said,“No.This is not what I am planning to do.”
She said,“Dear cousin, if you do want to go and if you ever are in need of something for your journey, or some money in order to be able to get there, then do not be embarrassed to ask me, for the relationship between us isn’t like the relationship between men.”
Zaynab said,“By Allah, I don’t think she said this except because she wanted to plot against me. But I hid my plans and denied that I was going to do that.”
When Zaynab packed her luggage, her husband feared that if she went alone, the Quraysh might find out about her departure. Thus, he ordered his brother, Kinanah, to accompany her. Kinanah bin al-Rabi’ gave her a camel to ride on. She mounted on the camel as he grabbed his bow and quiver, and began to lead her on their way in broad daylight,as she sat in the howdaj.When the people saw this, some men from Quraysh began to speak about it amongst each other, “How can Muhammad’s daughter be allowed to join him when he did what he did to us at Badr?”
Thus they went out looking for her until they found her at a place called Dhu Tuwa.The first one of them to reach her was Hibar bin al-Aswad.He frightened her with his spear as she sat in her howdaj. It said that she was pregnant and as a consequence she miscarried.The disbelievers began to race towards her with their weapons, whilst she had no one except her brother-in-law, Kinanah.
When Kinanah saw this, he sat on the ground, laid his quiver down and picked up his bow ready to shoot. He then said, “I swear by Allah, if anyone of you comes near me I will shoot him with this!” He was a good archer.
The people around him began to waver and retreat, and watched him from afar. Neither was he able to move, nor were the people able to approach him, until it reached Abu Sufyan that Zaynab was heading off to be with her father. Upon hearing this he appeared with a group of noble men from Quraysh.When he saw that Kinanah was ready to shoot and the people were ready to fight him, he shouted, “O man! Point your bow away so we may speak.” Kinanah pointed his bow away.
Abu Sufyan then approached him and said, “What you did was not right.You went out with the woman in broad daylight. You know of our suffering and catastrophe at Badr, and what happened to us due to Muhammad. Our noble men were killed and women were widowed.If people see you,and the tribes hear that you left with his daughter in broad daylight in the midst of everyone, they will think of it as another humiliation befalling us, and that this is due to our weakness and flaw. I swear that we have no need to keep her here away from her father.We have no need to exact revenge from her. So go back with the woman, until the voices calm down and the people think that we returned her back to Makkah.You can then secretly take her and return her to her father.”
When Kinanah heard this,he was satisfied and returned back to Makkah. She stayed a few nights in Makkah, until voices had calmed down.Soon after this,one night,he took her out and met up with Zayd bin Harithah and his companion.The two of them then brought her to the Messenger of Allah peace be upon him.
Contemplate. How gentle was Abu Sufyan! Look how he succeeded in cooling Kinanah’s anger, and preventing him from being killed when perhaps even the daughter of the Messenger of Allah peace be upon him would not have been spared.
This was Abu Sufyan, who at the time was a disbeliever, so how about the Muslims?
Revelation…
Gentleness beautifies everything. Harshness disfigures.
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