17- Use the right flavour
There are things which people unanimously love and appreciate, and things which they unanimously dislike.There are also things upon which they differ, so while some may be appreciative of them, others may find them cumbersome. Hence, everyone loves to be smiled at and hates to be frowned at, yet some may appreciate jokes whilst others may not. Some people may like others visiting them whilst others would rather be left alone. Some may love to talk excessively whilst others may not. Often people feel comfortable with those of the same nature as themselves.Why not then be pleasing to people of all natures?
It is said that a man once saw a falcon flying next to a crow. He was amazed at the thought of the king of all birds flying next to a crow! He concluded that they must have something in common for them to fly together, he continued to watch them until they became tired and decided to land, and lo and behold, they were both crippled!
Hence, if someone knows that his father prefers silence to excessive talk, then let him deal with his father accordingly in order to gain his love. If a wife knows that her husband loves jokes, then let her joke with him. If she discovers the opposite then she should avoid joking with him. The same can be said about a man dealing with his colleagues, neighbours and brothers. Do not think for a moment that people are all of the same nature, for they differ and come in many varieties.
I recall that a righteous old lady, who happens to be the mother of a friend of mine, would praise one of her sons lavishly. She would always be happy whenever he visited or conversed with her. Even though the rest of her sons and daughters were also kind to her, her heart was attached to this one son in particular. I would wonder about this, so one day I asked my friend why.He replied,“The problem is that my brothers do not comprehend my mother’s nature.They become too cumbersome for her to bear whenever they sit with her.”
I asked, jokingly,“So your highness was the only one able to discover her nature?”
He laughed and said, “Yes! Allow me to tell you the secret. My mother is like any other aged woman who loves to talk about womanly issues,such as who got married or divorced,how many sons so-and-so has,which of them is the eldest,what is the name of her first child, and so on. I consider all this frivolous, but she loves chatting about it. She feels that the information she shares with me is priceless as it cannot be found in any book, audio or website. She feels that she is relating unique information to me, and is delighted to do so! Whenever I sit with her I instigate such conversations and she becomes elated and continues to speak ceaselessly. My brothers talk about issues that do not interest her and so she feels bored in their company and longs to be in mine! That is all there is to it.”
Yes, if you realise the nature of the one you are conversing with, what he likes and dislikes, you will be able to capture his heart.Whoever looks at the way the Prophet peace be upon himdealt with people would realise that he would deal with everyone in accordance with their personality. Even when he would deal with his wives, he would do so on the basis of the personality of each.
‘A’ishah was very much of an extrovert and so the Prophet peace be upon him would often joke with her. Once she went with him on a journey and on the way back, as they approached Madinah, the Prophet peace be upon himsaid to the people,“Continue on and leave us behind for a while.” The people carried on, leaving them behind, and so the Prophet peace be upon himwas left with ‘A’ishah.At the time,‘A’ishah was a young and energetic girl.The Prophet peace be upon himturned to her and said, “Come, let’s race!” She therefore raced him, and ‘A’ishah won.
After some time, she went out again with the Prophet peace be upon himon another journey.By now she had grown and put on weight.The Prophet peace be upon himsaid to the people,“Carry on...” and they did. He then said to ‘A’ishah,“Come,let’s race!” They raced,and this time,the Prophet peace be upon him won.The Prophet peace be upon him then started to joke about it as he patted her on her back, saying,“That was for last time when you defeated me! That was for last time when you defeated me!” He would, however, deal very differently with Khadijah, as she was fifteen years his senior.
He would take this into consideration even when dealing with his companions. He would not deal with Abu Hurayrah as he would with Khalid ,or with Abu Bakr as he would with Talhah . He would deal with ‘Umar in a way he would never do with anyone else.
When the Prophet peace be upon himwent out with his Companions to the battle of Badr and came to know that the Quraysh were also on their way, he knew that some men from the Quraysh were coerced into going and had no intention of fighting the Muslims. He stood amongst his companions and said,“I have come to know that some men from Banu Hashim and others have been forced to come. They do not want to fight us. Therefore, whoever of you meets anyone from Banu Hashim in the battle, let him not kill him.Whoever sees Abu al-Bakhtari bin Hashim bin al-Harith bin Asad, let him not kill him.Whoever sees al-‘Abbas bin ‘Abd al-Muttalib, the uncle of the Messenger of Allah, let him not kill him, for he has been compelled.”
It is also said that al-‘Abbas was a Muslim who had concealed his faith and would inform the Prophet peace be upon himabout Quraysh’s activities.The Prophet peace be upon himdid not want him to be killed by the Muslims, nor did he want to expose the fact that al-‘Abbas was a Muslim. This was the first battle ever to be fought between the two factions, the Muslims and the disbelievers of Quraysh.The Muslims were tense since they had not prepared for the fight and would soon be fighting their relatives, sons and fathers.Yet, the Prophet peace be upon him was forbidding them from killing certain people.
‘Utbah bin Rabi‘ah was from the leaders of the Quraysh who were going to lead the battle against the Muslims, while his son, Abu Hudhayfah bin ‘Utbah bin Rabi‘ah was with the Muslims.Abu Hudhayfah lost patience and said,“Shall we kill our fathers, our sons and our brothers and spare al-‘Abbas?! By Allah, if I see him in the battlefield, I shall strike him with my sword!”
When his words reached the Messenger of Allah peace be upon him, he peace be upon him looked around and saw three hundred strong men.Yet,he turned
to ‘Umar exclusively and said, “O Abu Hafs! Is the face of the uncle of Allah’s Messenger to be struck with a sword?”
‘Umar said, “By Allah, this was the first time ever the Messenger of Allah peace be upon him gave me my nickname,Abu Hafs.”
‘Umar understood the message. He knew that they were about to fight a battle and were in no position to allow anyone to disobey the orders of the leader or argue in front of the other fighters.Thus,‘Umar chose a stern solution. He said,“O Messenger of Allah! Allow me to strike his neck off with a sword!” But the Prophet peace be upon himstopped him and saw that the threat alone was enough to quell the situation.
Abu Hudhayfa – may Allah be pleased with him – was a righteous man who would afterwards say,“I do not feel at ease due to the words I uttered that day and will continue to be terrified unless martyrdom expiates for them.” He was martyred on the day of Yamamah.
The Prophet peace be upon him knew what kind of tasks he could expect ‘Umar to perform. He wasn’t asked to collect charity, or make peace, or educate the unlearned. They were in the midst of a conflict and the need had arisen for a determined and resolute person, and hence, the Prophet peace be upon himchose ‘Umar, for this task, urging him on further by saying, “Is the face of the uncle of Allah’s Messenger to be struck with a sword?”
On another occasion, the Prophet peace be upon him fought the Jews of Khaybar briefly and then made a peace agreement with them where he stipulated that they were not to hide any of their wealth, or conceal any gold and silver, and that they must present everything to him so he may decide what to do with it. He also warned them that if they were to hide anything, then they would have no agreement or pact.
Huyay bin Akhtab was one of their leaders who had returned from Madinah with a leather bag full of gold and jewellery and then passed away, leaving behind all his wealth, which the Jews concealed from the Messenger of Allah peace be upon him.The Prophet peace be upon himsaid to the uncle of Huyay bin Akhtab,“What happened to what Huyay brought from Banu Nadheer (i.e., the leather bag )?”
He said,“It was all spent on expenses and wars.”
The Prophet peace be upon himthought about what he said, and it occurred to him that Huyay had only died recently and that the wealth he had brought over was of a huge amount.Moreover,there had not occurred any war recently that it could have been spent on.
The Prophet peace be upon himsaid,“The wealth was only brought here recently, and it was too much to have been spent so quickly.”
The Jewish man said,“The wealth and jewellery have all been spent.”
The Prophet peace be upon himrealised that the man was lying, so he looked at his companions, who were many in number, and each of them understood his message.The Prophet peace be upon himthen turned to az-Zubayr bin al-‘Awwam and said,“O Zubayr, give him a taste of punishment.” As az-Zubayr began his approach the man was terrified. Knowing that his situation was grave, he said, “Well, I did see Huyay once going into this deserted place!” and pointed to an old abandoned house.The Muslims went into the house and found the wealth hidden therein.This is how the Prophet peace be upon himwas with az-Zubayr.
The Companions of the Prophet peace be upon him would deal with each other in a similar fashion.When the Prophet peace be upon himwas on his death bed and severely ill, unable to lead the people in prayer, he said, “Order Abu Bakr to lead the people in prayer.” Abu Bakr was a very soft-hearted person. He was the Prophet’s companion in this life and will be in the next.He was the Prophet’s friend in the pre-Islamic days of ignorance as well as in Islam. He was also the father of his wife,‘A’ishah −may Allah be pleased with her. Hence, he was utterly distressed over the Prophet’s illness.
When the Prophet peace be upon himasked the people to order Abu Bakr to lead the prayer,some of those present said,“Abu Bakr is a very soft-hearted person. If he took up this position, he would not be able to lead the people in prayer due to his excessive weeping.” The Prophet peace be upon himknew this about Abu Bakr, that he was a very soft-hearted person who easily broke down in tears, especially when requested something of this nature.
However, the Prophet peace be upon him was alluding to the fact that Abu Bakr was the most deserving of being a Caliph after him. It is as if he he was saying, “I am not present, so let Abu Bakr take up the responsibility.” Hence, the Prophet peace be upon himrequested once again, “Order Abu Bakr to lead the people in prayer” until Abu Bakr finally led the prayer.
Even though Abu Bakr was a very soft-hearted person, he was at the same time held in very high regard, and would also become angry at occasions.His companion,‘Umar , knew this fact. After the Prophet’s death, the companions – the Muhajiroon and the Ansaar – gathered together in the quarters of Banu Sa‘idah to decide on a Caliph.‘Umar accompanied Abu Bakr on his way to the quarter.
‘Umar said, “We arrived at the quarters of Banu Sa‘idah. When we sat down, a man from the Ansaar affirmed the testimony of faith, praised Allah as He should be, and then said: ‘To proceed: we are the helpers of Allah and the vanguards of Islam, and you,O Muhajiroon,are a part of us.Some of you have shown hastiness and want to take possession of leadership from us.’
“When he finished, I wanted to speak. I had thought of some words that I would say, and I liked what I had prepared, and I wanted to say it in front of Abu Bakr, but I knew that he could be stern at times. However,Abu Bakr said:‘Relax, O ‘Umar!’
“I did not want to upset him and hence, he spoke and was definitely more knowledgeable and sedate than me. By Allah, he said everything I had thought of saying, and even better!
Abu Bakr said:‘As for what you mentioned of the good that exists in you, then that is true. However, the Arabs have only known the Quraysh as leaders. They are the most judicious of Arabs in terms of lineage and tribe. I have chosen one of their two men here, so give allegiance to the one you like.
“He took my hand and that of Abu Ubaydah, who was sitting with us. I didn’t detest anything he had said except this. By Allah, I would rather that my neck was struck off without me committing any sin than for me to be a leader of a people that included Abu Bakr.
“The people fell silent, and then a person from the Ansaar said:‘I am of those by means of whose counsel people seek relief, and I have a family that will aid and defend me. How about if we have a leader from amongst ourselves, and you have a leader amongst yourselves, O Quraysh?’
“There was much clamour and voices were raised, which we feared may result in discord.So I said:‘Stretch out your hand,O Abu Bakr!’
“He stretched forth his hand and I pledged allegiance to him.Then the Muhajiroon gave him the pledge, followed by the Ansaar.”
Yes, everyone has a special key to open his heart, earn his love and influence him.We notice this often in our lives. Perhaps you have heard work colleagues say that if you want to get the manager to agree to something, then so-and-so is the key, or if you want anything, ask so-and-so to speak to him on your behalf. Why not then use your skills to open up people’s hearts and be a head instead of being a tail? Yes, be special and look for the keys with which to open up the hearts of your mother, father, wife and children. Find the key to the heart of your manager at work and your colleagues. Knowing the keys to their hearts helps them accept good advice when it is offered, that is if the advice is presented in an appropriate manner, as people do not all react the same way when advised.
Once, the Prophet peace be upon him was sitting in a blessed gathering of his and speaking to his companions, meanwhile, a man entered the mosque,looking to his left and right.Then,instead of sitting in the Prophet’s circle, he headed for a corner of the mosque and began to undo his lower garment.The people were left in suspense as to what he is going to do next.Then, to their horror, he raised his lower garment, sat down quite calmly and began to urinate!
The Companions were shocked and exploded upon seeing him urinate in the mosque. They were about to rush towards him,but the Prophet peace be upon himasked them to stay seated and keep their calm;he said,“Do not interrupt him!” The Companions watched as he urinated and perhaps he wasn’t even aware of them looking on! The Prophet peace be upon him,as he witnessed the scene – a man urinating in the mosque – continued to calm his Companions down. How forbearing he was! When the Bedouin had finished and stood up to tie his garment around his waist, the Prophet peace be upon him called him gently. The Bedouin came and stood in front of the Prophet peace be upon him.The Prophet peace be upon himsaid,“The mosques are not built for this purpose.They are only built for prayers and reading of the Qur’an.”
This was end of his brief advice.
The man understood the Prophet’s words and left.When the time for prayer came, the Bedouin came and prayed along with them.The Prophet peace be upon himinitiated the prayer with his Companions by saying “Allahu Akbar”. He then recited and bowed.When he raised up from bowing, he said,“Allah hears the one who praises Him.” The Companions said, “Our Lord, to you belong all the praise!” Except that this man added,“O Allah, have mercy on me and Muhammad, and no one else!”
The Prophet peace be upon him heard him, and when the prayer finished, he turned around and asked who said those words.The Companions pointed out the man to him, so he asked him to come forward.When he came and sat in front of him, lo and behold, it was the same Bedouin.The Prophet’s love had entered into his heart so deeply that he wished that the Prophet and he be the recipients of Allah’s mercy exclusively.
The Prophet peace be upon him said to him, “You have narrowed what is vast!” Meaning that Allah’s mercy was enormous enough to include them two and everyone else, so it should not have been restricted to the two of them only. Notice how the Prophet peace be upon him managed to capture his heart by knowing how to deal with him, for he was a Bedouin who had just come from the desert. He could not be expected to be as knowledgeable as Abu Bakr and ‘Umar, or even Mu’adh and ‘Ammar, and hence he should not be treated like them either.
Let’s look at the case of Mu‘awiyah bin al-Hakm, – may Allah be pleased with him – who was just a regular Companion. He did not live in Madinah, or even accompany the Prophet peace be upon himoften; rather, he had cattle in the desert to tend to. One day, Mu‘awiyah entered Madinah and visited the mosque. He sat in the gathering of the Prophet peace be upon himand his Companions as they were discussing the etiquettes of sneezing. One of the etiquettes the Prophet peace be upon him taught was that if one hears his brother sneeze and then praise Allah,he should say to him ‘YarhamukAllah’ (i.e.,‘May Allah have mercy on you’). Mu‘awiyah committed this to his memory and left.After a few days he returned to Madinah to fulfil a need and entered the mosque where the Prophet peace be upon himwas praying with his Companions,so he joined them.As they were praying,one of the Companions sneezed, and before he could say “al-Hamdulillah”, Mu‘awiyah remembered that he was supposed to respond, so he hurriedly said in a loud voice, “YarhamukAllah!” The people who were praying became confused and began to look at him with disapproving looks. When he noticed the commotion he became confused and said,“Woe be to me! Why are you staring at me?!”
The Companions began to strike their hands on their thighs, insisting that he be silent, and he complied. When the prayer was over, the Prophet peace be upon him turned to the congregation. He had heard the commotion and the voice of the one who spoke, but the voice had belonged to a new, unfamiliar person. He asked, ‘Who spoke?’ and the people pointed at Mu‘awiyah.The Prophet peace be upon himasked him to come forward and he did. He was terrified as he didn’t know what would happen to him for interrupting the prayer and ruining people’s concentration.
Mu‘awiyah said, “May my mother and father be sacrificed for him! By Allah, I have never seen before him nor after him a leader who gave better instruction than he. I swear that he did not scold, beat or revile me, but simply said:‘Talking to people is not befitting during the prayer, for it consists of glorifying Allah, declaring his Greatness.and recitation of the Qur’an.’ This is how brief his advice was.”
Mu‘waiyah understood the advice and when he felt more comfortable, he began to ask the Prophet peace be upon himabout certain personal matters.He said,“O Messenger of Allah.I was till recently a pagan, but Allah has brought Islam to us; among us there are men who have recourse to soothsayers.” Soothsayers are those who claim to know the unseen, and people go to them to ask thereof.
The Prophet peace be upon himsaid in response,“Do not have recourse to them.” Meaning, you are a Muslim and no one knows the unseen except Allah.
He said, “There are men who take omens.” Meaning, they predict bad luck by looking at the flight patterns of birds.
The Prophet peace be upon him said, “That is something which they find in their breasts, but let it not turn their way.” Meaning, let it not prevent them from doing what is best, for these omens can neither harm nor benefit.
This is how the Prophet peace be upon himdealt with the man who urinated in the mosque and the man who spoke during the prayer, taking into consideration their situation, since people in their position are bound to make mistakes.
But as for Mu‘adh bin Jabal , then he was from the closest of the Companions to the Prophet peace be upon him, and the most eager of them to learn.The way the Prophet peace be upon himwould deal with him would differ from the way he would deal with anyone else.
Mu‘adh would pray ‘Isha with the Prophet peace be upon him,and then return to his people to lead them in ‘Isha in their mosque. Hence, the second prayer for him would be voluntary but obligatory for those praying behind him. One night, Mu‘adh returned to his people, entered the mosque and initiated the prayer. A young man also entered the mosque and joined the congregation. When Mu‘adh finished al-Fatihah by saying,“walad-daalleen” and the people said,“Ameen”, Mu’adh began to recite Surah al-Baqarah! It needs stating that in those days, people would tirelessly work in the fields and with their cattle all day long.They would impatiently wait for ‘Isha so they could go to sleep.
The young man joined the congregation as Mu‘adh continued to recite.When the prayer became too long for him to bear, he isolated himself from the congregation,finished the prayer on his own, and left the mosque for his house.When Mu‘adh finished
the prayer,some people said to him,“O Mu‘adh,so-and-so joined our congregation, but since your prayer was too long he left.” Mu‘adh became angry and said,“He has the disease of hypocrisy! I will inform the Prophet peace be upon himabout him!”
They told the young man what Mu‘adh had said. He replied, “And indeed, I too will inform the Prophet peace be upon him of what he has done!”
They went to the Prophet peace be upon himand Mu’adh told him what the young man had done.
The man replied, “O Messenger of Allah, he stays with you for a long time, and then comes to us and prays for a long time. By Allah, O Messenger of Allah, we go late to the prayer knowing that Mu‘adh will prolong the prayer.”
The Prophet peace be upon him asked Mu‘adh,“What do you recite?”
Mu‘adh informed the Prophet peace be upon him that he would recite al-Baqarah and other long Surahs. The Prophet peace be upon him became angry when he realised that the people delayed attending the prayer because he prolonged the prayer. He now knew why the people felt overburdened with the prayer.He turned to Mu‘adh and said, “Are you a troublemaker, O Mu‘adh?” Meaning, why are you distressing the people and repelling them from the religion? Recite, “was-Sama’i wat-Tariq”,“was-Sama’i That al-Buruj”,“was-Shamsi wa Dhuhaha” and “wal-layli itha yaghsha.”
He then turned to the young man and said very kindly,“What do you do, dear nephew, when you pray?”
He said,“I recite the Fatihah, then I ask Allah for paradise and seek His refuge from Hell.” The man then remembered that he
the prayer,some people said to him,“O Mu‘adh,so-and-so joined our congregation, but since your prayer was too long he left.” Mu‘adh became angry and said,“He has the disease of hypocrisy! I will inform the Prophet peace be upon himabout him!”
They told the young man what Mu‘adh had said. He replied, “And indeed, I too will inform the Prophet peace be upon him of what he has done!”
They went to the Prophet peace be upon himand Mu’adh told him what the young man had done.
The man replied, “O Messenger of Allah, he stays with you for a long time, and then comes to us and prays for a long time. By Allah, O Messenger of Allah, we go late to the prayer knowing that Mu‘adh will prolong the prayer.”
The Prophet peace be upon him asked Mu‘adh,“What do you recite?”
Mu‘adh informed the Prophet peace be upon him that he would recite al-Baqarah and other long Surahs. The Prophet peace be upon him became angry when he realised that the people delayed attending the prayer because he prolonged the prayer. He now knew why the people felt overburdened with the prayer.He turned to Mu‘adh and said, “Are you a troublemaker, O Mu‘adh?” Meaning, why are you distressing the people and repelling them from the religion? Recite, “was-Sama’i wat-Tariq”,“was-Sama’i That al-Buruj”,“was-Shamsi wa Dhuhaha” and “wal-layli itha yaghsha.”
He then turned to the young man and said very kindly,“What do you do, dear nephew, when you pray?”
He said,“I recite the Fatihah, then I ask Allah for paradise and seek His refuge from Hell.” The man then remembered that he
often saw the Prophet peace be upon himmaking long supplications and Mu‘adh doing the same. He said, “I do not know what you and Mu‘adh chant.” Meaning, I do not know what type of long supplication you make.
The Prophet peace be upon himsaid,“Mu’adh and I make the same supplication.” Meaning, they both make supplications about paradise and hell.
The young man was greatly affected by Mu‘adh’s accusation of hypocrisy against him. He said, “Rather, Mu‘adh will come to know on the day the people come to tell us that the enemy is approaching!” Meaning, Mu‘adh will discover what I will do in Jihad in the path of Allah, where my faith will become clear to Mu‘adh, as he has accused me of hypocrisy.
Not long afterwards, there occurred a battle in which the young man was martyred.When the Prophet peace be upon himfound out about it,he said to Mu‘adh,“What happened to your opponent?” Meaning, the one you accused of hypocrisy, O Mu‘adh.
Mu‘adh said,“O Messenger of Allah,he was truthful and was not a hypocrite. He has been martyred.”
Notice the difference between people’s nature and their status, and how it affected the Prophet’s way of dealing with them. Look at how the Prophet peace be upon himdealt with Usamah bin Zayd, who was from the most beloved of all people to him,as he had grown up in his house...
The Messenger of Allah peace be upon himdispatched a group of his Companions to al-Huraqat, a sub-tribe of Juhaynah. Usamah bin Zayd was one of the warriors.The battle commenced in the morning, the Muslims became victorious and the enemy fled.A man from amongst the pagans saw that his men were defeated,so he threw his weapons and fled.A man from the Ansar and Usamah began to chase him as he attempted to escape in terror, until he hid behind a tree. Usamah and the Ansari caught up with him and raised their swords to strike him. When he saw the two swords above his head about to come down on him, and realised that death was at his doorstep, he said,“There is no one worthy of worship but Allah and Muhammad is His Messenger!” Usamah and the Ansari were puzzled; did he accept Islam sincerely or did he simply say this to save his neck? They were in the middle of a battle and surrounded by bodies, blood and flesh, as the man looked on. They had to make a quick decision, for they could have been struck by an arrow anytime. There was no time to contemplate.While the Ansari withheld, Usamah thought that it was a trick, so he struck him with his sword and killed him.
They returned to Madinah victorious. Usamah stood in front of the Prophet peace be upon himand told him the entire story, including what happened to the man they killed.The story was that of Muslim victory, and the Prophet peace be upon him was rejoicing, that is, until Usamah said,“Then I killed him...”
Suddenly, the Prophet’s complexion changed and he said,“He said: La ilaha illallah and you killed him?!”
Usamah said,“He did not say it intentionally! He only said it out of the fear of our weapons!”
But the Prophet peace be upon himrepeated his question,“Did he say,‘There is no god worthy of worship but Allah,’ and then you killed him? Did you split open his heart to know for certain that he had only said it out of fear of your weapons?’’
The Prophet peace be upon himfixed his eyes on Usamah and kept repeating, “Did he say ‘There is no god but Allah’, and then you killed him?! Did he say ‘There is no god but Allah’, and then you killed him?! How will you deal with his testimony,‘there is no god but Allah’, on the Day of Resurrection?”
Usamah said,“He continued to repeat himself until I wished I had only accepted Islam that day.”
An opinion
Do not think that people are of a similar nature. Rather, they differ tremendously.
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